Catch-28

I received some distressing news today. Last week, I got an interview for a freelance opportunity in an online travelling blog. The position was basically to write articles and recommendations about things to do in Mexico City and, as someone who loves travelling and trying new things, I figured it was a great chance to not only acquire some much-needed writing credentials, but to earn a bit of extra money. As it turns out, they went with someone else for the job, just letting me know this morning.

Reading my rejection email, dissecting every word and analyzing every letter, I realized I’ve found myself in a catch 22: I need more experience for the jobs I’m applying to, yet I can’t get that experience without first getting a job. It’s the same old story that every young student fresh out of college must live, one that I certainly experienced back in 2015, when looking for a job in Marketing. The difference is that back in 2015 I was playing in an even territory, competing against others my own age and with my same level of experience. Now, I’m twenty-eight, racing against twenty-two-year-olds with actual degrees in journalism or literature and I feel like I’m jumping rather than running.

I know it’s way too early in my writing career to be asking myself “should I quit”; after all, I’ve only been trying for a year and there are still lots of other alternatives I could consider. However, I can’t help but think that it’s too late in my life not to ask myself those questions. As friends from college get promoted and start getting ready to enter their thirties with the financial security you’re supposed to have by that age, I find myself back in square one, on the outside looking in.

I’m trapped in a catch-28, and the more time passes, the louder that voice in my head becomes, the one that keeps yelling I shouldn’t waste any more time and get serious.

Therefore, when I lay awake at night, staring at my ceiling, thoughts of bitterness and disappointment dancing around my head, I keep going back to one simple question: Is there such a thing as starting too late?

My sister is a prime example that starting over is possible. She studied to become a chef, only to discover that kitchen life was not as romantic as one might think. She spent her twenties working jobs somewhat related to her chef career, but grew more and more dissatisfied with her situation. When she was twenty-eight, she enrolled in school again and got a business degree. Then, she got into a multinational corporation, where she started from the bottom in an intern position, steadily making her way up. Now, six years later, she keeps climbing the ladder of corporate success, finally at peace with where she is.

Having a role model like her keeps me strong and steady. After all, if she did it, then so can I. My sister is a glass-half-empty kind of gal, but she’s a hard worker who’s not always certain of what she wants, but who’s positive about what she doesn’t.

With this in mind, my next train of thought is: “Am I not doing enough to make things happen for me? Is there something I’m missing?” The sad truth is, this is where the truth might be hiding. It’s hard to admit it, but I think I’m living up to every stereotype Boomers and Gen Zers have about Millennials: we want everything the easy way. As I write this, I can’t help but hope that this article will become viral on the internet.

I’m not against hard work, on the contrary, I might even miss it. But it would be a lie to say I haven’t grown comfortable with my current situation, being the Millennial version of a stay-at-home dad who takes care of his own parents instead of a couple of noisy children. And while I keep writing, working on my novel and offering it to agents, who still won’t give me the time of day, and submitting for every freelance position I come across, I feel like I’m becoming more and more static. As January turns to October and 2018 somehow became 2020, time seems to be flowing through me, not the other way around.

I like to think of myself as an optimist. As such, I’ll be the first one to say that being positive is hard. It’s basically a full time-job, one that requires your full commitment and a lot of strength. In other words, if you’re going to be a positive person, then you need to own that shit, even when everything and everyone around you is daring you not to.

But any optimism has to be accompanied by action. It’s not enough to think about the person you want to be, you actually have to work to be that person. It’s easy to think the world is against you, but I think the truth is, the world doesn’t really care about you unless you make it.

It’s hard to stand out in a word with 7.5 billion people. But as Lady Gaga said ad nauseum during her A Star is Born press tour, all it takes is one person. After all, we’re all just part of a group, a someone standing in the largest moving crowd, begging to be noticed. Let’s raise our hand, make a lot of noise, scream our brains out.

Someone’s bound to see us.